Be At Peace With The World My Son!

I decided to drive Kermit up to Canberra this week. For those who aren't aware, Kermit is our new, zippy little Mazda 2 Genki that we purchased a couple of months ago.

Anyway, this morning I was heading out to Calwell to get some change from Bendigo Bank. There I was, sitting at the lights on Canberra Avenue & Hindmarsh Drive intersection, minding my own business, casually scratching my balls and feeling quite at peace with the world. In the next lane was a very nice looking new Holden SS Commodore sedan, young bloke at the wheel.

I kind of looked admiringly at his car, he looked at me somewhat disdainfully. The lights changed, he disappears in roar of twin exhaust and a fine spray of dust and minute particles of gravel.

As I motored off I reflected on this bizarre behaviour. What possessed him to do this? The fact he could beat the arse off me in a drag was really a no brainer. He was in a 6 litre Aussie muscle car, I was driving a bright green 1.5 litre Japanese frog. He was young and stupid, I was old and hopefully just a bit wiser. At no stage did I poke fun or laugh at about his cock size! For all I know he was hung like a horse. I wasn't rude or aggressive.

All I can say is ... take it easy my son. There's enough bad ju-ju in the world without having to get yourself so stressed that you have to drag off a grandfather driving a little green rice burner!

Actually, I should thank him for reminding me that my $672 speeding fine is due this week!

PS: Obscure Fact - Genki is a Japanese word that that reflects health, vitality, energy. A bouncy cheerful female character is often refered to as genki.

#Bunnings Fyshwick. A Tale Of Bad Ju-Ju

It goes like this.

Ulladulla Pedro: G'day mate, was wondering if you knew anything about curtain tracks.

Bunnings Bloke: No

Ulladulla Pedro: Do you know of anyone who does?

Bunnings Bloke:  Yes, but he's on holidays.

Ulladulla Pedro: That'd be f***ing about right wouldn't it! God you lot give me the shits!

Bunnings Bloke: What kind of track were you after?

Ulladulla Pedro: (Goes and grabs the only kind they have).

Bunnings Bloke: (Opens it up with his knife. It's totally the wrong kind and it's all they have).

Ulladulla Pedro: That's no good mate, totally the wrong kind.

Bunnings Bloke: Okay, sorry bout that mate.

Ulladulla Pedro: (Stomps off)

Has anyone ever noticed that Bunnings is nothing but a repository for cheap crap made in China that is either the wrong model, wrong size, wrong colour or the type of thing you are after went out of production last week and you have to totally re-buy everything so what ever it is goes together?

It seems Bunnings Fyshwick is the worst of the lot.

Bugger 'em!

Child support debts threaten parents' holidays

Child support debts threaten parents' holidays - ABC News website

Saw this article and it made my blood boil, not to mention bring back many unhappy memories

Mind you, the following is all my own humble opinion based on my experiences. I acknowledge there are scumbags out there who either evade the system with impunity, or equally milk the damn thing for all it's worth.

So, here goes ...

The Child Support Agency ranks second to the Australian Taxation Office as a bunch of c***s. The lump of granite that passes as their coporate heart is unflinching. Not only do they have no heart, they lack common sense, intelligence and basic human characteristics. I'd be surprised if they breath, eat, piss or shit. Perhaps they don't.

So when I come to the part in the article where Comrade Plibersek makes her stupid statement "if parents have an outstanding debt they can ring the Child Support Agency and talk through their options" I could only laugh. What a load of horse shit! You will get no where. There are no options other than bend over, part your cheeks and receive the pineapple rough end first. Being a scabby, tight fisted federal department they can't afford lube as they would have spent most of their corporate budget on staff development courses and other essential public service activities unrelated to actually serving the public.

You may think I am a bitter and twisted individual. Correct! I am! I suffered with these pricks.

I paid my dues every week, I never missed a payment, I wanted to assist my children to the best of my ability (r) ability. At the same time I was going through a rough financial patch. These bastards screwed me over big time. They would not listen, they were the most stupid people I had the misfortune to interact with up to that time in my life (subsequently Telstra call centres have taken the crown!) I lived like a frigging dog. Eventually I went bankrupt.

In all fairness CSA weren't the only financial burden that caused my bankruptcy and I accept responsibility for the poor decisions that assisted me in getting to that stage, but CSA did not make things any easier.

The day your children reach their majority and start earning for themselves is the day you can turn around, with your anus still stinging from the removal of large, rough skinned tropical fruit and give them, the CSA, the finger with a very hearty and loud salutation to go and take a right royal flying fuck and get the hell out of your life.

I have not had contact with CSA since 2006 and never will again. For those that are currently in the system, you have my sympathy.

On a closing note, for those scumbags not paying their maintenance, who make life difficult for the honest dads - you are low-lives, not even worthy of being pond scum. Pond scum floats on the surface, you are down on the bottom, among the duck shit and old tyres and tin cans.

I feel better now.

Peace.

PS: The term used throughout that article - "parent" - is trendo public service speak for "father", has anyone ever heard of a woman being done over by CSA?

Utes, Aerials, Lights & Mudflaps - An Unholy Combo

Let me confess ... I drive a ute and I wear (some) RM Williams clothes.

I’m considering forsaking these idiosyncrasies due to a cringe inducing phenomenon that assaults all facets of public good taste. I refer to what I believe is called the BNS Ute (see pic, example only).

Yesterday, returning from my rage inducing visit to Toys R Us (see earlier whinge on this blog) I came across one of the aforementioned monstrosities heading along Majura Road toward Canberra.

This beast was the father-of-all-utes, oversized RM Williams logo on the back window, triple RM Williams mudflaps (one for each wheel and one huge one in the middle), and a plethora of BNS stickers. The bad taste continued, two monster HF whip aerials that wouldn’t look out of place on a warship, a rack of massive spotlights on the roof and when I pulled up at the next set of lights I noticed a bullbar that could have been sourced from one of those armoured fighting vehicles you see being used to bust up Muslim terrorist strongholds in Afghanistan.

I accelerated smartly away, leaving him in my wake. After all, my bog standard VZ SV6 is much more nimble than something carting half a tonne of surplus military hardware. I just needed to get to a happy place, a place of good taste.

There are only a few things I don’t understand. Women, opera and economics have eluded me for years, now I can add this to the list. What is the need? Do these people (believe it or not some are girls!) work or live in areas so remote as to need HF radio? Do they drive around in feral camel territory? Do they need to see things as far away as the next planet?

If anyone can shed light (low beam only please) by all means let me know!

Gotta run, dumping my RM Williams stuff in the Salvo bin and I’ll trade the ute for a wagaon.

The Curse Of Halloween In The Antipodes

Twas in Toys R Us this morning, shopping for the grandson's birthday pressie, as you do. Couldn't quite get over the fact that in the entry way was a section totally devoted to Halloween.

Ok kiddies, repeat after Uncle Pedro, "Halloween is celebrated in North America and Europe. It has never had any significance in Australia, nor was it "celebrated". We do not Trick and Treat. We do not hollow out pumpkins. We do not dress like witches!"

Casting my mind back as a kid in the 60's and early 70's I can't remember even a whiff of Halloween making it to our insular little kingdom other than what we read about and saw in TV shows and movies. We never actually embraced it by participating.

Nowadays, there are kids banging on your door on the night of 31 October, trick or treating, their little faces all expectant at the thought of something for nothing. Not only is it annoying but I would think a little dangerous, you never know what kind of Uncle Pervy lurks behind some doors!

I'm sure that Halloween's awesome fun if it's a part of your national culture and I have no issue with that at all. But some things are best left in America where it must mean something. To all those late model Gen X and the Gen Y parents out there ... Stop it! Stop it NOW!

My rant is finished.

Deputy Dawg Dips Out

Heard via the Twittisphere and then the TV news that President Obama will be visiting Indonesia later this year but not gracing the Kingdom of Oz with his presence. I'm not really sure how to take it.

On one hand, there is the embuggerance factor of an event such as this. If you have ever seen a US Presidential Visit you will understand what a circus it is.

I was a very minor cog in the huge machine involved in George W Bush's 2003 visit to say a big thank you to his best buddy, John "Deputy Dawg of the Pacific" Howard. It was at Parliament House in Canberra, my job was to stand on a platform, ostensibly guarding a TV cameraman, looking down on George Dubya as he alighted from his limo to shake hands with Deputy Dawg. I was armed with a trusty H&K 9mm, I kept my hands well clear of the holster at all times. Guys in dark suits and darker sunnies would not have been impressed! They were everywhere, thicker than ticks on a coast cat's coat. Later in the day I had the pleasure of lining Adelaide Avenue outside The Lodge staring at lots of unkempt people waving signs whilst George & John had a barbie on the other side of the brick wall.

There were in excess of 30 vehicles in that presidential convoy. Ambulances, armoured black vans with machine guns inside, armoured black vans with weird aerials sticking out of the roof, stacks of other cars and to cap it off the behemoth of a presidential limo. This thing had the biggest wheels I have ever seen on a car. The doors, when they opened, appeared to be a couple of feet thick. I shudder to think what would happen if George had jammed his fingers, as happens to us all occasionally. It was a truly amazing beast of a machine; it romped all over Mr Howard's Holden Statesman "C1".

Add the noise of FA-18's patrolling Canberra's airspace, the fuss caused by Air Force One parked out at Fairbairn air base and you have some serious competition for Ashton Bros or Cirque Du Soleil.

On the other hand, does it show that the Americans don't really think very much of us? Are we so insignificant that Mr Obama only has time to jet into Indonesia, a third world country which, coincidentally, is the world's largest Muslim nation? Does Indonesia go around helping fight America's wars? Have they stood by Uncle Sam in WW2, Korea, Vietnam, Gulf Wars 1 & 2 and the ongoing War on Terror? Do they host “Joint Defence Facilities”? Do they participate in the UKUSA agreement? Do they have a bond such as the ANZUS alliance? No, they don’t. How do they rate so highly? What's in it for the Americans may be more the question.

Consider how often US presidents actually make it out here, 4 different presidents in 50 years. LBJ twice in the 60s (once to go to Harold Holt's funeral), George H Bush in 1992, Bill Clinton in 1996 and Dubya in 2003 and 2007, the later being for APEC. Take away LBJ’s funeral visit and Bush’s APEC, which he would have attended no matter where it was held, and you really have only 4 official visits. Pretty poor effort for a loyal and stalwart ally.

If anyone is a foreign policy guru please let me know what it all means!

New Public Holiday in ACT - Total Wank!

Must admit they did give us a year's notice but this new Family & Community Day public holiday scheduled for Monday 27 September has caught me pretty much unawares.

My initial reaction on finding out was ... "What a load of touchy-feely wank!". Seriously, this is the kind of rot that you'd expect from a Labor-Green coalition. Gather the family and community around, sing Kumbaya, bask in the love of one and all.

I noticed in the Chief Minister's press release on his website that the whole silly saga had the support of Unions ACT. Now isn't that a surprise! I doubt if a labour organisation would ever knock back another public holiday for the poor old down-trodden prols who pay their union fees. Bit of a free kick for the unions as they are the tail that wags the ACT Government dog. Read the touching epistle here.

Why, you ask perplexed, would you be so anti this Peter? Good question! Since becoming a business owner several years ago I tend to see public holidays as being a nuisance, they effect business, there are staffing issues, it costs money.

Obviously I accept the fact we currently have 12 public holidays per year and have done so for many decades, it's a fact of life. But to create one for no particular reason other than to let the over-worked toilers of the territory gambol through Floriade on a cool spring Monday just takes the bloody cake.

What makes it worse, the rocket scientists who infest the bureaucracy have scheduled it for the week before the October Labor Day long weekend. Two long weekends in two weeks! Sheer bloody luxury I tell you! Just imagine how much work will get done around the capital over those two weeks.

In my twisted mind I imagine most pubes will flex off on each of the Fridays. Mr or Ms Pube says "Shit! That means I have to come back to work on Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday before I flex on Friday! I'd better take a few reccies as well!" Sweet!

As for the poor mugs in the private sector I guess shit just happens.

Anyway, enough of my rant. I have a lot of trouble coming to grips with this sort of thing. With a Labor-Green Wank Fest in the House of Reps and Senate imagine what kind of time small business is in for on a federal level!

Gotta run, need to brush up on how to strum Kumbaya

Hugs and communal love

Pedro